the history books forgot about us, emerson

[emerson owens]

i'm battle scarred
i am working oh so hard
to get back to who i used to be
- - - - - - - -

BEFORE GREENLY had reentered his life, Emerson had been certain he understood what his life would be. He had grown accustomed to the bleak apathy, to losing himself with a prison of his own creation. There, locked within the confines of self, Emerson had felt safe. While everything crumbled around him, he remained strong. He remembered the first time he had met Greenly Benedikt, her thick auburn tresses tamed into two simple plaits. Her dark eyes had sparkled as she skipped over to where he sat with his back against the brick wall, eyeing the rest of the students on the playground with disdain, and introduced herself. Although her eyes had lost some of their spark, the youthful blush hidden beneath pallid skin, all Emerson could see was the girl who had never allowed him to fade. As he watched her, listening to her story, he longed to be the one to wrap his arms around her and protect her from any harm. With that desire, he felt another piece of himself splinter, falling to the ground with swift grace. He could never be what she needed.

“Guess now you don’t have to be the only monster,” she said softly.

Emerson shook his head, trying to form coherence from his jumbled thoughts. He hadn’t missed the touch of another until this moment; hadn’t longed to feel the velvet warmth of another’s lips pressed against his own. Stealing a glance at her, he wondered selfishly how her hair would feel as it slipped through his fingers like silk, how her porcelain skin would feel beneath his tender touch… With a frustrated sigh, Emerson pushed his hands over his face until his fingers tangled within his own coarse hair. “It shouldn’t have to be this way,” he grumbled. “Not for you—especially you.” Life may have robbed her from the innocence she once embodied, but Emerson could still she the girl he had always known hiding beneath the façade. “You’ll never be a monster to me.”

Turning from the window, Emerson paced across the small room. All the air in the room seemed to vanish the moment he looked into her eyes, his stomach tightening with strange warmth. Everything had been exposed and yet Greenly hadn’t run as he expected. Instead she claimed to be a monster as well – plagued with an ability that did not exhilarate but destroyed the person it lived within. His hands balled into useless fists at his side. He hated whatever had brought them both to this place – whether it be the rumored return of the lights or something more sinister. What had Greenly Benedikt ever done that could warrant her to become so conflicted now? All the answers he sought could be found in one stolen kiss, one brush of his fingers across her hand… A scowl passed over his features along with that thought. No. He would never steal from Greenly.

“I wish I could be different for you,” he murmured, chancing another look at her. “You deserve more than I could ever hope to be.”

[greenly benedikt]

Come back to me the way you were
The way you were when we were young
I'm trying to tell you everything

[/color]

The [/font] grip Greenly held onto her memories was strong and resolute; it remained unyielding despite everything, even though she left the past behind her as soon as she walked off English soil. For her grandparents it was unyielding- she could barely stand to imagine how her grandparents would feel once they learned that their once sweet granddaughter had turned sour. But in spite of this, she wanted to forget. Despite the risks she still longed to be near him, to be able to see the pale greenish-gold of his eyes or simply to be able to wrap her arms round his waist and rest her head against the broadness of his shoulder. Only trying to forget was nearly impossible. The events that followed once she left Eventide were too significant and too life-altering for her to simply ignore that they ever happened especially when she lay awake at night and her memories were the only subject of her restless mind.

“You’ll never be a monster to me,” he said in tone that seemed as distressed and frustrated as herself.

Looking away from the image of her fingers made as they anxiously tapped a stilted beat on the window sill , she intently turned her gaze toward him, as the beginnings of a frown started to form the skin between her dark brows. “How-,”she began but never finishing the sentence she desperately wanted to ask him. How could he ever know? Maybe now, when they both shared abilities that were both destructive for the owner as it was for anyone on the receiving end but what about when he realized that even without her abilities that she, Greenly Benedikt, was still as monstrous as the inside. For her part, accepting Emerson was an unconscious effort but she wondered would he accept her as readily. In little more than a whisper she began to speak, the words flowing from her lips without hesitation ,before she even had chance to filter out the emotion that racked each syllable and place thoughtfully chosen words in their stead. “Even if by accident you touch me, and see something you wished you didn‘t ? Or if you somehow realize I’m even more screwed up without my ability? Even then?”

At once, she regretted her words because in those few words she felt completely revealed; bare. Her arms immediately crossed in front of her chest as if they could serve as the only protection for her against Emerson’s thoughts and words and her own sense of anguish. She wished to say how she really felt; how he never needed to be different because she would never deserve him . Only her words came out a mumbled reply of “Yeah… me too.” Seemingly losing her strength ,she leaned back slumped against the window, the back of her head pressed against the cold panes of glass, musing if anything could be different between them while she had her memories and he had his abilities. “ I really do wish things were different for us.”
[/size][/blockquote]

[emerson owens]

i'm battle scarred
i am working oh so hard
to get back to who i used to be
- - - - - - - -

BEFORE GREENLY had left for England Emerson had been convinced of two things: that she would always remain a part of his life and that one day they would end up together. There was scarcely a happy memory from that time that didn’t involve her: playing explorer in the woods, prank calls and stolen candy from the convenience store. He could still recall the first time that he looked at her and no longer recognized her as another girl, as his best friend but as something thrilling and exotic. Unknown desire had coursed through him and in that instant Emerson Owens had vowed to be the one to protect Greenly Benedikt from harm. His hands balled into tight fists at his side, tendons straining white. Everything since had resulted from that oath only he knew of. He had stopped writing to her when it became apparent that this change was as much a part of him as the blood that coursed through his veins. She was never supposed to know what he had become. With that simple deceit he would allow her to preserve those tender memories that remained as translucent and gauzy.

“Even if by accident you touch me, and see something you wish you didn’t? Or if you somehow realize I’m even more screwed up without my ability? Even then?” Her voice rasped with the same self-condemnation he knew so well. The words that fell stale and embittered from her lips could very well be his own.

Emerson whirled round to face her, his eyes shining with the weight of his truth. “Don’t you get it, Greenly? It wouldn’t be by accident. I want to touch you. I want to hold you. I want…” his voice trailed off as he stared at the ground.

Was it really so wrong to want this? His fingers ached to trace jaw; to feel the warmth of her satiny skin as it brushed beneath his touch. His hand slipping through her hair as he gently cradled her neck, drawing her close. He could imagine her chin raising in hesitant expectation as he leaned closer, their breath mingling in the eager space between them. In his mind, Emerson then kissed her, hearing a soft gasp as he promised her himself with a single action. That was where the imagined sensations ended. He could not taste her kiss, feel it in his mind for there was no reference point. While he had kissed girls before they had never mattered to him the way she did – the way she always would.

Memories played before his eyes and he found himself wondering if it could be different with them with all the moments that lay intertwined between them. So many of his memories were also hers. Emerson frowned. It would be different, wrong, because those memories were still colored by her opinion. They could each remember the same memory differently. While her hand within his caused warmth to radiate from deep within his hollow chest she could have hated his touch. Those memories were all he had now. His entire world lay shattered beneath the carefully preserved façade his mother sought to maintain. The whispered arguments between his parents filled his room through the paper-thin walls. He knew they hated one another, anyone who watched them could see that love had faded to tolerant disdain. He wasn’t even sure why they remained together. It wasn’t for him, he relied solely upon himself now.

“I want you,” he finally whispered. “Don’t you get that? I always did. And you being here now makes it so much harder to remember why I can’t be with you.”

[greenly benedikt]

Come back to me the way you were
The way you were when we were young
I'm trying to tell you everything

[/color]

It[/font] had always been Emerson who had the strongest hold on her. The simple truth was that for every second she longed for Eventide was because he was there. As hard as those first months were, she survived the loneliness and longing of wanting to be there through their letters. Suddenly, without warning the letters stopped and all communication between them was severed altogether. She remembered the day the truth struck her, causing everything to spin uncontrollably. She had waited for the post hoping for something, anything, yet like each day for the past two months there was nothing there for her. Almost in a daze, she had walked towards Thames River, barely registering where she arrived. Glaring down at the murky rolling waters of the river, she came to the conclusion that Emerson had forgotten her or tired of her. The realization of this struck her more forcefully than she thought ever could. Bewilderment had overcome her then when the pain began- a feeling of hollowness that was so complete and depilating, it felt impossible to cease the stream of tears that flowed down her pale cheeks.

Casting a cursory glance towards the silent figure of Emerson, Greenly pursed her lips as unexplainable emotions stirred restlessly in her chest. Was that why she had clung to Gabriel so readily? Afterward, when it seemed years had gone by since Emerson’s last letter Greenly’s resolve to let the memory of him fade grew stronger, but thoughts of him came nevertheless even while she and Gabriel laid in silence, their limbs entwined in a tangle, her mind would somehow drift to Emerson. In Gabriel's pale green eyes she would recall that for all their beauty they had lacked the warmth that Emerson’s had or in the warm summer months when they sat together on the grassy stretches of Hyde park, she fondly remembered the countless times she and Emerson had lain like so staring at the clouds overhead for hours at a time. Had she only loved him because in some miniscule way he reminded her of Emerson? Her eyes slightly widened, the truth of it all surprising her. She should have seen it but when she was still torn by her emotions the arrival of Gabriel only seemed right; it was only now in Emerson’s presence that she could comprehend it.

Pushing herself away from the window, she glanced towards the kitchen doorway where her grandmother’s basket was left entirely forgotten. Was that how it began? In the beginning, she had seemed important but once she was gone from his constant presence, other matters of life came into the forefront. In the midst of everything that happened to him, his childhood friend had only remained a fond memory in the back of his thoughts until she appeared suddenly on his doorstep. “Don’t you get it, Greenly? It wouldn’t be by accident. I want to touch you. I want to hold you. I want…”

Abruptly, her eyes snapped towards him taken aback by his words. Despite what she heard she couldn’t quite trust that that his words were really the words that left his lips or some form of sadistic imagination. As Greenly eagerly searched his face, she felt her heartbeat build to a thunderous cadence pounding against the walls of her chest. Tentatively, she took a step towards him, uncertainty knitting her brows together. “To what….to kiss me-to be with me? ” She wasn’t sure if she heard him right – that what he said was true but his eyes told her the truth just as clearly as his words would have.

“I want you. Don’t you get that? I always did. And you being here now makes it so much harder to remember why I can’t be with you.”

Greenly regarded him silently, absorbing his words, a ghost of a smile appeared on her lips. Filled with heady emotions she closed the distance between them, regarding the eyes that held so much for her. She had always held a fear of the truth, of how it was able to destroy some much with so little. Irony rang strongly in the theory that honesty was the best policy making the truth become the only way to be free, but for most of her existence the truth had rather, felt like a bell jar that hovered overhead which she could never escape, no matter how she avoided it or tried to manipulate it. In spite of this, Greenly recognized the truth in the wave emotions that repeatedly crashed upon her; she knew that she wanted him too and always had. Before acknowledging her want had meant acknowledging the rejection she felt when he stopped writing to her but things had changed.

Time slowed to a languid pace the closer she moved towards him until his warmth was practically her own and his breath softly caressed her lips electrifying her every nerve. In the slightest of touches, she brought her fingers against the smooth outline of his jaw line, following a trail to his neck where her fingers gently gripped him, slightly brushing his short dark hair. Greenly could only accept the truth: she couldn’t run away from her memories any more than Emerson could his abilities but the moment had vanished where she seemed to care anymore for what was wrong with them-she could only see what felt right. Softly, she bit down on the top of her hesitant lips, looking once more into Emerson’s eyes before she went forward. Seeing her emotions reflected in the depths of his brown eyes, emboldened she leaned forward pressing her lips to his as the past disappeared and all that was left was the present- of right now where she was beyond analyzing of what was before and even of what might be.

[/size][/blockquote]

[emerson owens]

i'm battle scarred
i am working oh so hard
to get back to who i used to be
- - - - - - - -

EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED NEXT moved in slow motion; each moment precariously suspended. As Greenly made her way to his side, his heart beating in tandem with each languid step, Emerson felt as though he no longer inhabited his body. Her eyes never left his, holding him captive as he realized their intent. He longed to close his eyes, to shut out the fragrant desire that perfumed the space between them. Instead he remained unmoving, somehow tethered to the ground that he drifted above – buoyant yet imprisoned. Such was his curse; the life he knew now. The gentle smile that blossomed across her lips should not be for him. Despite that belief, Emerson couldn’t keep the hope that it was from swelling in his chest. He didn’t deserve her; he never had even before the change. Greenly was light and joyous while he was nothing but embittered shadows filled with twisted secrets. The look upon her face made him wish he could be something more – if not for himself than her.

Her fingers hovered between his cheek in a moment of hesitation. Desire sparked from the proximity. Touch me! his mind screamed. He longed to know her, to see what had happened in those years apart. It would be a theft for which he could never atone. “Greenly pl—” His voice gave way to a sharp gasp as her fingers traced the camber of his strong jaw, eliciting a trail of goose flesh as they fluttered to his neck. Beneath her gentle caress he felt his heart beat again. This was what living felt like, he realized as he ground his teeth together in frustration. He could fight against himself for her. He could do this.

Her memories swirled around him, desperate to materialize into something tangible. They appeared as swirling clouds of color, vibrant and alive, as though someone had dipped a paintbrush into a once pristine glass of water. Little by little they began to take shape against his will. A rich green settling into blades of grass wavering in the soft breeze; a muddied gray a swelled river… Just as he opened his mouth to protest, Greenly’s lips found his.

Euphoria surged through him. Reaching up his fingers tangled in her glossy hair, pulling her close. This was the home, the family he had long believed lost. Her body pressed against his with comfortable warmth.

It was then that everything materialized.

Her dark hair curled in wild ribbons around her face as she walked down the narrow driveway. The sky was a soft, swirling gray, alive with the promise of rain. A large drop of rain splattered across her cheek, eliciting an annoyed sigh as the younger version of Greenly turned her face skyward with a scowl. Her pace quickened as she made her way to the mailbox, anticipation bright on her face. Her slender fingers eagerly shuffled through the bills and flyers before her face fell. Disappointment colored her countenance as she slid the metal door back into place, returning the red flag to rest along the side. As Emerson broke free from her touch, he was certain he had seen unshed tears glisten in her eyes.

She had been waiting for his letter. All those years where he had been certain she had forgotten his existence were tainted with the knowledge that she hadn’t. He had thought he had been sparing her when the truth was she had been steadily breaking her heart.

“Oh god, oh god,” he groaned as he paced away from her. “Oh god. Greenly. I can’t do this to you. I just can’t. I’m so, so sorry. For everything. I can’t change the past but the future – I won’t hurt you there, too. Please understand.”

[greenly benedikt]

Come back to me the way you were
The way you were when we were young
I'm trying to tell you everything

[/color]

Her

[/font] elation knew no bounds. It rocketed to dizzying heights she had only a glimpse of before. In his lips she found an anchor- a deterrent to her constant restlessness. Engulfing her like a wave, her restlessness was the source of her constant impression that she was missing something. Now, it dissipated easily as they stood there, their lips pressed tenderly together .

With his hands entangled in her dark hair, he pulled her ever closer to him, pressing her slender frame to his . She reveled in his closeness holding his cheek gently in her palm as her lips sought his. And for that moment, when all of insecurities, misgivings, and every plagued thought fell away she felt content. Greenly again felt reaffirmed that this- them- was only right.

Bewilderment overcame her when he suddenly broke away from her. Fluttering open, her eyes hurriedly searched for his tall frame. Beneath dark brows, her eyes intently followed his pacing figure. In the dark irises, her confusion settled along side of her dawning sadness that grew for every step he took. “Oh god,” he began, a groan leaving throat and causing her chest to contract quickly and painfully. Almost immediately, she turned her eyes sharply away from him . She already envisioned what would take place before he said another word. In her anger and disappointment, her eyes barely registered what she stared at with so much intent. Everything about her screamed of her hurt and sudden rejection. Hunching slightly forward, her dejection read in her arms that hung limply by her side, the straight determined line of her mouth, and downward lean of her chin.

He continued, a jumble of words left his lips hurriedly as if they all fought frantically to reach the air first. “Oh god. Greenly. I can’t do this to you. I just can’t. I’m so, so sorry. For everything. I can’t change the past but the future – I won’t hurt you there, too. Please understand.” Only a few words reached her through her anger but their message was clear: They could never be. Letting the silence settle, she merely stared ahead contemplating the meaning of his declaration. She didn’t nothing to dispel the uncomfortable mood that arrived-the aftermath of her unwillingness to say anything.

Mustering all of her will, she reeled the part of her that demanded in every fiber of her to be irrational. Irrationality had always a habit of appearing whenever she hurt creating the urge to scream, to channel her pain towards anything whether it was an object or a person. It came easy to her when the source of her pain and anger involved those who frequently hurt her. But Emerson wasn’t like them or even close. He would never strive to make her feel miserable. Behind his logic lay his belief that if he kept away from her then he couldn’t hurt her. She couldn’t find fault with him even though his logic felt misguided and ridiculous to her.Biting down softly on a corner of her lips, she threw a quick glance at Emerson. A pang of emotion struck her when her eyes met his troubled gaze. Reluctant to admit it, in some part she did understand him. She shouldn’t have believed that a kiss could aright everything. Such a belief should only be resigned for children who still believed in fairy tales. Her life lacked any place for them when she needed realism the most.

Running a hand hastily through her dark hair, she turned back towards him in contemplation. Maybe their lives would have been easier if she forgotten him. Or if she felt disdain rather than affection for him when he tried to keep her from getting hurt. If that were the case then her life would be remarkably easy. Eventide, might have just remained a fond memory of her childhood. Without the pull of Eventide, she could have learned to enjoy her life in London and simply moved on.

A sigh of frustration suddenly rushed from her lips. It was terribly stupid of her to have kissed him or even agree to come over his house. She should have realized this before she even rang his doorbell but in her foolishness, she lost any semblance of sense. “ I shouldn’t have come… or kissed you.” Pursing her lips, she paused before going on as she searched for her next words.“ You were right…everything is different…I just hoped that they could somehow go back to the way they were.”

"I should go-My grandmother is probably wondering where I am. She’s too old to have to worry about me."It was a mediocre excuse at best but she couldn’t find any others words to say. As her gaze met his once more she silently wished she could do more than stand affixed to her spot unable to even touch him. Turning on her heel, she walked purposefully to the door as if she did not feel pained from the distance that widened between them-a distance she instinctively knew would always remain. She reached the door, laying a hesitant hand on the cool metal. Glancing over her shoulder once more, Greenly uttered a barely audible “Bye.” In a smooth motion, she quickly opened the door, stepped outside and quickly shut it behind her . Hidden from his eyes, sadness overtook her in a destructive wave of emotion and she no longer felt strong enough to defy it.[/blockquote]
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